nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
