We got so high we made milksteak
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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