One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
