Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
