yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
