When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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