so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
