hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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