He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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