Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
