My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
