I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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