Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
