She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
