I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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