After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
