I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
