That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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