he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
