I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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