I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
