Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
