Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
