If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
