Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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