that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
