things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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