I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
