Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
