You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
