When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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