it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
