im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
