I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
