I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
