ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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