six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
