just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
