Cold hands, warm shart.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think my fart just growled at me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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