please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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