we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
