Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
