There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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