I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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