I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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