Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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