i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
