When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
