Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
