he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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