I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
