Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
