I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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